When I Feel Like I Haven't Done Enough

So, yesterday I felt like I just didn't do anything around the house, and was well, for the most part just too lazy yesterday. Then when Dennis got home he started commenting on how he could tell I did a lot around the house. It bugs me when he does that because then I feel even worse about how little I've been doing!

Well, recently, I started creating a "To do" list for every day of the week. Included on it are things like 20mins cleaning the kitchen, 20 mins cleaning the living room, vacuum, dishes, laundry. Those types of things and others like make sure the girls brush their teeth or get a bath. I had made a goal to try to accomplish atleast 10 things on the list every day! Now, I'll admit it, I'm not very good at ending up getting 10 things every day, but I knew it was a high goal when I set it, and the longer I seem to pay attention to it, the better I'm getting.

Well, I was looking at my list this morning and I realized, that yesterday, I not only met my goal of 10, I surpassed it. Now, the interesting thing is that that is only the 3rd or 4th time this month that I've accomplished it. So, why did I feel so lazy and bad about how little I had done?

I'll also admit that I struggle with feeling adaquate enough; and that I don't accomplish the things around the house, and with the girls that I should be doing. (who doesn't?) But to actually see that feeling correlate to a day when I obviously was doing the things that I needed to. What does that mean? Obviously, the numbers don't lie so I must have had a fulfilling day yesterday.

Since making my list, most days, it really helps me to feel that, even though the house isn't spotless, and the girls sometimes run wild (think of the sharpies!) that it's not because I'm not doing enough, it's just the way life is around here with two small children. And I can see the accomplishments that I've made that day. Yes, the house might be a disaster, but I really did clean it! Just because two little girls have a habit of getting out all the toys once they're put away, trying to unfold all the laundry (really, they think they're helping!), and all the fun things that little kids do.

When I was going to school or working there were set things in place like grades and performance reviews to gauge how well you were doing and I always did well and I always knew I was doing well. I never worried about things like that until after I started staying at home. Yes, Dennis would tell me he could tell I'd done a lot, or thank me for doing this or for doing that, but it just wasn't the same for me (Though, who does it matter most to if not him?).

This morning, I began to wonder, is it Satan working on me to try to destroy my self confindence in my abilites to get things done? And I've decided it must be, because looking back, I know a lot of times when I've felt like I just haven't done enough are the days that Dennis has commented on just how much I have done! So, perhaps, those days were similar, I had done the things I needed to do. But that those days when I'm feeling the lowest, maybe I should take a step back and listen to my husband when he tells me he can tell I've done a lot that day. And maybe, just maybe, I have :)