Moments

Have you ever experienced one of those perfect moments where life sometimes gives us a glimpse of perfect peace and happiness?

It seems to me, and maybe it's just a faulty memory with those from my younger days slipping away, but I've had more of those moments since becoming a parent than I ever did as a child or young adult. You'd think the big "events" would qualify under with these special Moments, but surprisingly they don't, atleast not for me. There was no grand moment the day I graduated High School, the day I got engaged or said I do, the day I found out that I was going to become a mother. While those are all special times in and of themselves, they weren't a Moment.

I've experienced them throughout the years. One of my favorites is now a Christmas memory, one of my favorite Christmas memories. :) I'd gotten up early Christmas morning, it was just me, the silence, and the beauty of the tree. I just sat there staring at the lit tree feeling like everything was just right in the world. That moment is the reason Christmas is one of my favorite holidays and every year I get to catch a glimpse of that moment. Every time I stare at a Christmas Tree all lit up, especially in the dark when the only light is coming from the tree, I experience a little bit of that peace and happiness I found that morning.

Growing up, I always believed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was true but then when I was a preteen, probably 11 or 12, I had one of those moments that solidified my faith. Laura and I had been taking piano lessons from a neighbor in our ward and we'd been sitting at the piano in her house playing, I had glanced out the window and I can't tell you now what I saw, what we were playing, why then, but I remember the feeling, in that moment, that instant, I knew the church was true. It wasn't just a belief anymore that it was true but I knew. Since then I've never had a doubt on my testimony of the church. It was no longer based on my parents beliefs or the beliefs of those around me, but it was my knowledge of its' truthfullness and I still carry that with me today.

Another I had while in High School was just a moment, nothing was affirmed to me, there was no feeling of peace or happiness, it was more of perfect contentment, and it was a double moment :) One time in the spring I was walking home from school, I don't know if I was by myself or if Laura was with me that day or what. But the sun was shining, there were light fluffy clouds in the sky, it was a warm day, and I caught the smell of blossoms in the air. It was one of those moments that just lifted me up. Later that year in the fall, it happened again, only this time there was a crispness to the air. The sun was still shining, the sky a bright blue but the leaves on the trees had turned colors and I caught that wonderful autumn smell of dried leaves and apples. Those two memories are intertwined for me, they happened in the same spot, and were so similar that I can't think of one without the other.

Another time when cuddling with Dennis on the couch. We were just sitting there, watching a movie or something, but he had his arm around me and I was snuggled up next to him, comfortable and happy. It hit me just how wonderful life was, how much I loved this man beside me, and how much he loved me. I wanted to in that moment, always.

Here's a guilty little secret of mine, as a teen and young adult, I didn't want kids. The thought of labor scared me. I was selfish and didn't want to have give up my free time and be responsible for another human being, but I still felt that it was the right thing to do, that I was suppose to have children. Still, after Dennis and I decided to start our family, I wasn't at peace with it, I didn't want to. But then one day, I was just sitting there on the bus, on my way to school, and I had this feeling of peace come over me that everything would be all right and work out for the best. I knew in that moment that it was right, and I was finally at peace with the decision and I was happy.

One night after Charty was born I was holding her, looking into her eyes probably. And it dawned on me the true meaning of a Mother's Love. I'd never really understood it before and maybe it requires becoming a Mother to really understand the love that a Mother has for her child(ren). But that moment was a revelation for me really on how much my own parents loved me, how much I loved my own child, and how much my Father in Heaven loved me. To be in that moment revelling in the amount of love for my own child and the amount of Love that I felt in that moment from those who love me was just amazing.

I just had another moment, and again it was while holding my baby in my arms. I glanced at the mirror and there I was holding this precious beautiful little child. She was snuggled up next to me, her face nestled near my neck, that perfect little newborn snuggle and I looked so happy and peaceful. I looked again to try to capture that perfect moment again but it was too late, she'd already wiggled a bit and I was looking for it, lol. I have a lot of those moments as a mother of a newborn, it's probably one of the reasons that I just LOVE newborns, the perfect peace I can find when holding my new child is just amazing to me.

When I experience of those Moments, I find myself wishing that I could stay in that Moment forever, wanting it to just go on and on and not end; but the Moments can't last forever, otherwise there would be no more Moments. I can't sit forever in the peace of that early morning staring at the tree; I can't forever be cuddled up next to Dennis; I can't forever hold my newborn child in my arms; I can't forever stay in a single moment. And as much as I WANT to stay in that Moment when it's here, I'm so glad that we're not able to ever stay in one single Moment because then I would miss out on so many more. And though the memory of that Moment may not be as powerful as the Moment itself, those are memories I will always cherish.